My number was on the list. I couldn’t believe it. At first I thought, “I am misreading it”. I took a walk and came back. It was there. There was no escaping it. I thought, “If I can get it, this must be an easy exam”. It was March 31, 1999, at IIT-Madras, and GATE results.

Six months earlier, I was listening to a lecturer, Krishna Rao, a graduate from Anna Univ., telling, “All of you must experience university life once. You will have free internet, and lots of facilities. If you are GATE qualified, you will get a stipend. Even if GATE is not good enough to enter the university, you can get through by the non-GATE channel, and claim a stipend”. I never wanted to go for Masters in engineering. I wanted to go for IAS or CAT. I was setting my goals based on how I was perceived by others. I applied for GATE. I thought it will be the last option in case I don’t get through CAT. It was.

Four months earlier, I was preparing for my penultimate semester exams. I had 8 regular exams and 11 arrears (failures) from previous semesters. If I cannot finish my degree by my last semester I won’t get a first class degree. More importantly the failures cannot be hidden if I go beyond 4 years. So I studied. But my knowledge was never enough. I also heard that, as the graders get paid based on the number of papers they grade, quantity can be more important than quality. So I decided not to take any chances. I filled 45 sheets of paper (45 is pass) in all exams. And then, there was a scandal. The question papers leaked that semester, and they repeated half the exams. So I had to fill in 45 pages 8 more times into the end of December. I cleared all but 3 of the exams, many on the edge at 45 to 55.

Two months earlier, I walked into bat as the last man. We were 18 for 6 chasing 69. I was captain, and it was tennis ball cricket. The second ball after I came in, my partner was out, leaving me (single man batting) to chase 42 of 38. I am a Steve Waugh fan. I reminded myself of his, “Play the next ball to the best of your ability. Concentrate on the process, the result will take care of itself”. I would repeat that to myself for the next 30 minutes.  I played the ball on its merit, on the ground, picking gaps the couple of times I hit in the air, 32 balls and a difficult dropped chance, at wide slip, later, we needed 9 of 6. Somewhere down the line I knew I would get the winning runs with an edge past the keeper. I saved it for the last ball. I hit the first ball straight to mid-off, 9 of 5; the next lofted over mid-off for 3, 6 of 4; the next a cover drive for 2, 4 of 3; 2 singles later it was 2 of 1. I edged the last ball past the keeper for 2. I wasn’t smiling. It was a hugely personal moment. It was one thing to win. It was another to back myself and plan a chase to that kind of precision.

One month earlier, I was taking the GATE exam. I never prepared. During the exam I often repeated, “From a given moment, with the available resources, do the best you can. You’ve got to back yourself”. I knew I was not going to qualify. My goal was to give it my best shot. Three hours later I said, “I won’t qualify. But I am happy with my effort”. 

I wouldn’t have attempted it, if not for Krishna Rao. The 11 arrears, the extra exams and preparation owing to the leakage, unconsciously armed me for GATE. I wouldn’t have given my best shot, without the cricket. Maybe, I was just lucky. But that would not be such an interesting story, nor will I have anything to boast about, which I love doing.

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This is autobiographical.

I also wish I got the name Krishna Rao (I have doubts whether it was Rao or Reddy) right. I remember a lot less important lady teacher's names, and I remember the names of all the girls I "loved" since I was a kid. This man was more important than most of these people, for me; but I forget him often. That does not reflect too good on me!!!