Motivation: No word or feeling is more sacrileged than “love”; I won’t use it for what I feel for her. Within two weeks of knowing her, I knew I would ask her if she would marry me. I had no choice. If ever something was destined in my life, it was this.

I won’t describe her. For me, she was simply the best there can be. And, she deserved the best that the world has to offer. I looked at myself. I was this super-thin adolescent kid; I was as weak as weak can be. I was dull. Courage and attractiveness were never on the horizon. I was considered a kid with “potential” in studies; in exams I scored around 75%. I could not insult her, and what I felt her, by offering her this. If I wanted her, first I had to deserve her. From then on I targeted “a personality that is as beautiful as she is”.

Six years later, facing the ocean, I told her, “I want you to consider me”, the water waves touching our feet. After ten days, she refused. She could never hurt me. She was never meant for that in my life; only happiness. She was a dream I had to live up to; all my life. By then, I knew it was irrelevant to consider whether I deserved that dream. I only knew I should strive all my life to deserve it. I would. I have no choice. It is my destiny.

Process: All of us have our ways to meet challenges. As a kid, I aimed to be a guy with natural potential, even if inconsistent. In studies that resulted in a goal to get good marks effortlessly; an effortless 80 was preferred to a hard earned 95; the risk of scoring low was preferred to be perceived as studying. I was aiming to emulate my idol, Kapil Dev.

Kapil Dev retired in 1994; I was looking for a new idol. I decided nationality would not be a factor this time. Steve Waugh was under the scanner right away, along with half a dozen others. By the end of 1995, Waugh picked himself as my new idol.

The process I try to follow now evolved observing Waugh over the years. The process is; from a given moment, given the available resources/constraints, do the best you can. The maxims that underlie this are; concentrate on the process, the result will take of itself and back yourself in any situation. The underlying philosophy was summed up by Waugh as his dream of earning a place in the 2003 world cup approached death, “I can live with not having played in the world cup; I cannot live with not having done everything I could to play in the world cup” The little success I had, and am having I owe to Waugh’s example.

Theory: The book was at home for 2 years before that. I read it only because of lack of alternatives; I finished all the other books at home. Two days later, after reading the last line, I was confused. I looked for an epilogue/torn pages. There weren’t any. Books aren’t supposed to end like this. I had to restart. In the next two years I would read it a hundred times. If I had time this was it. The book was Ayn Rand’s “The Fountainhead”. 

Rand overturned an idea I held unquestioningly; that selfishness is evil and sacrifice is a virtue. Without Rand, I wouldn’t have dared to pursue my dreams; she removed the guilt I had associated with selfish desires. Now I am unapologetically selfish. Further, the dead need to sugar-coat ideas resulted in clearer thought processes and valuable time savings.

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This is my acknowledgement of the three greatest influences of my life on the occassion of my birthday (the 4th of July); and maybe also an excuse to get some wishes from some of my iland Mates :) "Thank you, thank you" (that is I responding to your wishes) :)