I wanted to have a Coke. It was 3 months since I had one. I never wanted it till then. I guess such gaps kindle desires one never expects to have. I did not buy it; I fought the temptation for 10 minutes pacing outside the shop displaying it. I would not have it for 3 more months. My reason in a friend’s words, “If my parents left me 50000, and vanished for 8 months, I will not be able to deal with it”. I looked at him. His eyes were moist.
I knew where he was coming from. But I could not feel his intensity. Maybe, because I was always in hostels and separation from parents wasn’t a big deal, or because Waugh was doing seemingly difficult things in cricket, or because I discovered Rand’s Howard Roark a year earlier. For me, it was more a math problem. I had 50000, of which 32000 were for my and my brother’s tuition; I was in BE final. The rest was for living 8 months. I rented a room for 600 near college, deposited 32000 for 91 days, and the rest in savings.
3 months earlier, my parents left to an unknown destination* and my uncle would come to vacate our house 2 days later. I was happy for those days. There was a WWF program, “Fully Loaded”, that I was waiting for; specifically the bikini contest between Sable and Jacqueline. It was the last show I saw; Sable didn’t disappoint, going topless with black palms painted on her breasts. I didn’t know when I would watch TV programs again, or if.
My brother was in Mumbai on his B. Arch internship. He had 3 more months to go. My calculation showed 18000 was impossible to survive on for 8 months. The rent was 5000. That left 13000 for 3 months for me and 5 months for both of us; that’s 1000/head/month. We also had exam fees of 3000. I skipped breakfast till my brother came. I used to have a heavy lunch at 11 and a heavy dinner at 6. I delayed my sleep to wake up around 10 AM. I also had 2 months 1st computers classes, twice a week at 8 AM. I had a pass to Saidapet; it was a 5 KM walk from there to Kodambakkam where I had the class. After the class, I walked back stopping at a friend’s place. His mother offered me biscuits. I did not notice it then; but I used to finish them in a trice. Of course, I was hungry. But as I was always weak I couldn’t always distinguish hunger. Earlier, I used to be teased as “skeleton”; I did not want to aggravate it by claiming weakness, hunger or otherwise, even to myself.
My brother got 3000 from his internship. He gave me the money. I laid down the rule that we would not spend on anything except necessities; I broke it once. Each of us had Rs. 5 always. Once I met a classmate of his. She had Rs. 2. I told her, “I’ll buy you a Coke; you buy me Nimbu paani”. He teased me a few times; but he never made me feel bad about it. I also recall a time when I found Rs. 50 on the floor of a telephone booth and pocketed it as a reflex. Afterwards, I remember trying to avoid the rush of thoughts on the morality of my action. I like to think I returned the money; but I know it is almost certain I am self deluding. Only 1 friend knew of our financial situation; it was simpler to live that way.
My parents were back in 6 months to support us. When this began I had 11 arrears. At the end, I was a GATE qualified 1st class (exactly 60%) degree holder. It was a key straw that held me as I chased my dreams the next 4 years. My parents, and others, were impressed by my composure. I did not feel a new pride; it (or arrogance?) was already a part of me.
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*I will not discuss the reasons for this.
This is autobiographical.
I have completed writing this a week ago. I waited this long just so I have something to post on my third wedding anniversary (18-Aug). BTW, Santhi edits all my posts before I post them. I just forget mentioning it.
I don't know how she does it; but she got me three (because it is our "third" anniversary) very valuable gifts connecting to some of the most important milestones of my life. And more importantly, for me, they were all very inexpensive, which is always my important wish :) I thank her for that and being such a huge pillar of support in my life.
